Stolen from Pat

Sorry - I don't know how to link to your blog! Can you teach me?

100 things.

The ones I've done are bolded.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
9. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (more like RAN thru to get the hell out, every day)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Self Control

Does anyone know where I can get some?

Last night, I was planning on going to the gym, doing laundry and cleaning my kitchen. My roommate had been out of town for work all week so I sort of let some dishes pile up. From Sunday. When my roommate was still in town. So that plan was to clean it all before he got home at 10pm.

At 6:21pm my phone rings. My friend Joseph was going to Tonka's bar for drinks. What a dilemma. I really wanted to work out. I had been feeling gross this week. And I needed to do laundry otherwise I'd have to wear mismatching socks the following day. (I am currently in mismatching socks as I write this, so you know where this is headed.) And most importantly, I needed my roommate to not realize that I am a slob when he is out of town.

But I can't say no to happy hour. Tonka's bar has half price drinks until 8. I checked on citi-search to make sure. That sealed the deal.

I arrived at the bar at 7pm, even though I was in the opposite of what I would have liked to wear to a bar: a Gap puffy coat from 2000, an Animal Planet hat and my gym bag. You know, the usual for a young(ish) professional in New York City.

Why can't I say no? Fast forward six hours and at least three "Single Ladies" dance offs later...I was still out. I thought Happy Hour ended at 8pm, not 1am.

If you know where I can find - hell, even BUY- some self control, please let ExPage know. Because I am getting too old to be doing this on a school night. I am, as you know EX page, not Current Page, when this would have not only been appropriate but encouraged.

A Brooklyn Ferry Tale

Every once in a while you have one of those moments. A moment that even when fully immersed you know it's something.

Something amazing.

Something beyond cool.

Something so New York.

This was not one of those moments.

Sure, as I stood on the dock with the Statue of Liberty in the distance, the wind whipping my hair into my face, I imagined myself swiping it away with the graceful ease of a model. Ms. J would be so proud. And Tyra, too. Maybe even Tim Gunn for good measure. He deals with models. Sort of. I mean, he tells the designers to "make it work" so the models aren't naked when they walk down the runway. That totally counts. Right?

But when my arm flew into sky I misjudged the distance between my forehead and nose and poked myself in the eye.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I heard my bag crash to the concrete as I squealed in pain. Awww, the crunch of a home improvement purchase gone wrong.

Why oh why did I go to the Brooklyn Ikea? Again?!

To save a buck or two? Well I hate to break it to you, but the free NJ Transit bus to Elizabeth will get you cheaper state tax rates and more overheard storage. No freakin' ferry can beat that.

But the boat does have music playing. So when you cruise past Governor's Island and the BQE you can rock out to Rihanna. Just don't scream SOS too loud. After all, you are on a boat.

So I grab my mangled 20x30 frame from the ground, scared to examine it. As I peruse the slightly scuffed wood I breathe a sigh of relief. No crack in the glass. Riiiight. No crack in the PLEXIglass. That's what you get for being a total cheapskate.

One ferry ride, one subway ride, one walk, and four flights of steps later I deposit the frame into a corner of my apartment. Where I'm sure it's doomed to sit for a couple weeks. You can't put just anything in plexiglass...

Fall Schedule

I am overwhelmed. TV Guide and Entertainment Weekly both came out with their Fall TV Previews last week, so of course I had to buy them immediately, and read them each three times.

I don't know how I am going to watch all my shows this season. I thought last year was bad. This is what my weeks look like:

SUNDAY
The Amazing Race
Desperate Housewives
Brothers & Sisters

MONDAY
Dancing with the Stars
Samantha Who?
The Big Bang Theory
How I Met Your Mother
Gossip Girl
Heroes (although I still have to watch season 2 - anyone have the DVD?)

TUESDAY
90210
The Biggest Loser
Priviliged
Dancing with the Stars Results
Fringe


WEDNESDAY
Pushing Daisies
The New Adventures of Old Christine
America's Next Top Model
Private Practice
Dirty Sexy Money
Lipstick Jungle

THURSDAY
Ugly Betty
Survivor
Kath & Kim
Grey's Anatomy
The Office
30Rock
Life on Mars

FRIDAY
The Ex List
The Game

SATURDAY
Saturday Night Live

And that doesn't include any cable shows!!!!

Big Brother 12

RIP Renny. I loved you. I really did. Especially when you thought it was 6pm in New Orleans when it's 8pm in Los Angeles.

Keesha - if you don't win this one, I refuse to ever step foot in a Hooter's again.

Jerry is crotchety (spelling?), Memphis is a liar and Dan is just plain weird. I am rooting for the Hooter's waitress from LA.

How does Big Brother take over my entire life each summer but when they air it during the "traditional" TV season I can't watch it?

90210

ExPage here. I've decided that since the peacock mafia has been MIA for the past 6 months, I would take it upon myself to TRY to update regularly. Since I watch almost everything on TV, my updates are going to be about what I watched recently. Mostly because my friends don't want to listen to me.

So 90210 is back. The big premiere was last night. It was a 2 hour spectacle - which really was just 2 separate episodes played back to back. I am sort of undecided at the moment - leaning towards NOT liking it. I mean, yes I am going to watch it but it was definitely a bit of a letdown, which we all should have known because the CW didn't sent out screeners to critics. Always a bad sign.

Jessica Walter is clearly the best part of the show. As the boozy matriarch, she is a scene stealer, fabulous and funny. And I actually think it makes sense that the Wilson family would move to LA to be with her, so that didn't seem like a stretch.

Annie Wilson (Shenae Grimes) is the skinniest person I have ever seen. She really needs to eat something.

Lori Loughlin is playing Aunt Becky. Again. Which is fine. I love Aunt Becky. And I love Lori Loughlin. I was annoyed when she yelled at Annie for the matches she found in her pocket. If my mom found matches in my pocket when I was 15, she would yell at me for SMOKING, not assume I flew to San Fran for the night just b/c they come from a restaurant there. How did she even put two and two together???

Wait - and what girl in their right mind would call their mom FROM their dates car to say something along the lines on, "Hi Mom, I'm getting dinner with my friend from the play...no it's not a date, it's more of a hang..." I mean , she said this in front of her date. Come on.

And Spring Awakening is a MUSICAL, not a play.

Jennie Garth looks so much better now than she did in high school. And is her kid Brandon's or Dylan's? THAT is a good storyline.

Still need more Brenda to feel satisfied. No comment on that yet.

Love how Andrea's daughter goes to West Beverly, too. But my co-worker pointed out that she would actually only be like 11, so it doesn't really add up. But maybe she's as smart as her mom, skipped some grades and is now a freshman?

Spring Awakening is really smart to be a part of this. Every teen and tween in America is going to make their parents take them to see it. And come on, Annie is going to somehow get the lead, right? When the druggie lead girl like OD's and has to go to rehab?

Naomi looks like she is 35. Ah, but that definitely makes me feel like I am watching 90210. She looks like she should be Annie's crazy new trophy step mom, not her friend.

No comment on Silver yet.
Ethan is cute.
The lead guy in the play is sort of weird. When he stares at Annie, it's funny. Look for it.

My head is spinning.

Best Quote EVER

"To everyone who has stumbled but stood right back up..." - Sen. Hillary Clinton

She really knows her audience AKA drinkers AKA me

Oscar Party 2008

To anyone who was offended by my campaign AGAINST "There Will Be Blood" - which consisted of maxi pads and tampons being thrown around First Lady's apartment - I apologize. This mostly goes out to Urban Trekkie's fiance, Mr. Urban Trekkie.

It's Janet, Mrs. Huckabee if You're Nasty

Here's a delicious photo of our favorite bedazzled Wal-Mart shopper, the former first lady of Arkansas, shooting skeet. Bless my Canadian heart, but what the hell are skeet and why do you need to shoot them? And to clarify, not the former first lady currently moonlighting as the Iron Pantsuit of Chappaqua-- but the former first lady that fries up squirrels 'n' grits for her morbidly obese adult children.

Instead of accompanying her husband on a romantic getaway/fundraising pot roast in the Cayman Islands, this fun and fab female went balls-out...key word:balls... in Las Vegas, cooling her Aerosoles at the Hooters Hotel Casino. Maybe she likes the wings?

Happy Presidents' Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Preponderance

Whilst in the midst of my Motherland Mid-America, I had this horrifying thought...did I become a Democrat?

Or at least so less Republican I can't stand to hear people speak?

I claim no party affiliation, only horror at mores encountered.

Where was Chuck Norris?

My guess, the power of Walker, Texas Ranger, will be saved up and used for the actual Texas primary. Some thoughts on this magical night of political punditry, primaries and pizzazz...and by pizzazz I can only be referring to Janet Huckabee's red carpet stunner, sequined collared dress. Either she knew her very own former fattie and current retard of a husband was going to trick a lot of Southern illiterates into voting for him, or she wanted to relive her glory days as the star of a 1987 community theatre production of Dreamgirls. The audacity of hope tells me it's the latter.

Next, I watch Mitt Romney boast about winning the states that he has lived in and/or ran the Olympics in, unfortunately for him, it doesn't seem like he's going to carry the state of the beloved national saint/baboon Ronald Reagan. Ann Romney continues to have the same pained and flummoxed look on her face, like she inserted a tampon in the wrong way. Now, full disclosure here, First Lady voted for one Willard Mitt Romney, which, hey, even I admit he is a very handsome looking replicant. However, First Lady does take her civic duties seriously, and although she isn't thrilled with the Republican field, she found Romney's conservative credentials appealing. I think perhaps secretly she voted for him because she's curious to see if he really will be sworn in as Willard Mitt Romney and have his forty-seven children surrounding him in their magical underwear. That's a lot of magic!

Ex Page and I are fans of HRC, and really, who isn't? Dirty hippies, that's who! Well, I'll take your "Yes we can" and raise you a Jack Nicholson endorsement! Seriously, all the Kennedy power in the world can't trump that backing! And don't they realize that Hillary won all the states that are fun to have a party/ and or do drugs in? People need to stop caucusing in Idaho and start thinking about free crystal meth parties in Arkansas. However, even I will admit that she was more than likely gorging herself on Tollhouse cookies when Obama was declared winner of Connecticut until Terry McAuliffe was able to coax her away with a Mugg root beer.

Super Tuesday

First Lady and I have bridged the gap between red and blue. This time can be different. We are purple.

Some comments about the evening:

McCain's wife had a prom hairdo and looked a lot older than she is. Good for her considering her husband is 109.

Barrack is playing his magic flute and almost drew me in until I realized that his wife is a bitch and his audience started chanting the super smart "Yes we can!"...

First Lady comments:
i have been remarkably open-minded. Ex-page and i are wondering if we're in church as we're watching orator obama raise his hands and preach at us.

the democrats are trying to play nice:
obama on clinton:
" i respect her as a colleague:
translation:
"But I hate her as a person."
obama on war:
"i didn't vote for the war in iraq"
translation:
"i don't stand for anything."
obama on republicans:
"they are running on the politics of yesterday."
translation:
"that's more than i've got -- i voted 'present,' so i don't even have a yesterday to speak of."

what's up with california?
we can hardly stand it!

HOLY F*CKING CRAP, IS HE STILL PRESIDENT?

Relajante (as in Relax!)

Hola from DR once again...
here's a little tale called "all-inclusive", whereas our hero & heroine, we'll call them Pajuil & Pajuila, since that is how you say, "peacock" in espanol... discover dried blood on the mirror in their room, as in, perhaps this is the type of all-inclusive where Dominican drug lords bring their mules to crap out pellets full of cocaine...how Maria, Full of Grace! at first, this seems exciting, but then we realize it's probably because some German cut themselves shaving while staying in the same room in 1998, and they never bothered to replace the mirror...and then a large winged Dominican bug flew into my left eye and decided to not fly out of my eye and live, but rather, stay embedded in my lower retina and die a pained and completely voluntary death, and I needed to dump an entire case of bottled water in my eye to flush it out...in which, it looked to many that perhaps my puffy face was part of a small clause in Ike Turner's Last Will and Testament, to which I thought of perhaps fashioning an eye patch for myself out of a condom, like Lisa Left Eye Lopes, who died in DR...or was it Costa Rica? Whatever, same thing....but I am distracted from constructing an eyepatch, because lo and behold...large Britsh man in a purple Speedo tells us that Heath Ledger died! WTF, God? But actually, my better half admits to being relieved that it isn't Jake Gyllenhaal being carted away by an NYC Trauma Unit. So, that made us sad for about three minutes, however, about halfway into the third minute of being sad, we remembered our own misery, and went about being super pissy, since we paid for an ocean front room, yet they decided to give us a room that overlooked the dumpster filled with rotting vegetation.
Que Fantastico!

Who knew?

I just took an online career test to see what I REALLY should be doing with my life.

Well, it turns out that I am doing exactly what I should be doing. So odd. Who knew?

My results:
ESFP: "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. They make good performers, they like public relations, and they love the phone. 13% of the total population.

Nevada Girl Power

Hola from the DR....now you would think that I'd be writing about all sorts of Dominican things that I am doing, and how my Spanish is muy perfecto...hell no. I can't seem to relax. In fact, I spent a good portion of last night, hunched by the tv, biting my nails watching caucus returns on CNN.
I know that Ex Page is spiritually rejoicing with me right now...and here's some advice to the self-annointed king BO: next time you're looking for votes, don't channel a B movie actor with Alzheimer's. If you're going to reference a Republican as a change agent, make it the Terminator. Bedtime for Bonzo, inde1ed!
Gotta go...more idealogical rants later

Sundaziness

Today I was forced to go to brunch with my colleagues. As some form of schadenfreude a higher-up gave the gaggle of my level people a gift certificate for brunch. One certificate for all of us. So we had to go together.

Very sweet. Really. Except, with no offense to my co-workers, I don't care that much to do things together on the weekend. Probably because I'm not friends with all of them. I like them. I like most of them. I like a few of them.

I mean, I'd rather be brunching with the infamous Clique 25.

So today I got myself out of bed at an incredibly decent hour to make my way to a hip and trendy downtown locale.

The good news is Ethan Hawke was brunching with us. Sure, not at our table. But a few tables over. So I guess it was fine. Or at least it was free.

A Suggestion for UrbanTrekkie's Wedding Cake