Oscar Party 2008

To anyone who was offended by my campaign AGAINST "There Will Be Blood" - which consisted of maxi pads and tampons being thrown around First Lady's apartment - I apologize. This mostly goes out to Urban Trekkie's fiance, Mr. Urban Trekkie.

It's Janet, Mrs. Huckabee if You're Nasty

Here's a delicious photo of our favorite bedazzled Wal-Mart shopper, the former first lady of Arkansas, shooting skeet. Bless my Canadian heart, but what the hell are skeet and why do you need to shoot them? And to clarify, not the former first lady currently moonlighting as the Iron Pantsuit of Chappaqua-- but the former first lady that fries up squirrels 'n' grits for her morbidly obese adult children.

Instead of accompanying her husband on a romantic getaway/fundraising pot roast in the Cayman Islands, this fun and fab female went balls-out...key word:balls... in Las Vegas, cooling her Aerosoles at the Hooters Hotel Casino. Maybe she likes the wings?

Happy Presidents' Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Preponderance

Whilst in the midst of my Motherland Mid-America, I had this horrifying thought...did I become a Democrat?

Or at least so less Republican I can't stand to hear people speak?

I claim no party affiliation, only horror at mores encountered.

Where was Chuck Norris?

My guess, the power of Walker, Texas Ranger, will be saved up and used for the actual Texas primary. Some thoughts on this magical night of political punditry, primaries and pizzazz...and by pizzazz I can only be referring to Janet Huckabee's red carpet stunner, sequined collared dress. Either she knew her very own former fattie and current retard of a husband was going to trick a lot of Southern illiterates into voting for him, or she wanted to relive her glory days as the star of a 1987 community theatre production of Dreamgirls. The audacity of hope tells me it's the latter.

Next, I watch Mitt Romney boast about winning the states that he has lived in and/or ran the Olympics in, unfortunately for him, it doesn't seem like he's going to carry the state of the beloved national saint/baboon Ronald Reagan. Ann Romney continues to have the same pained and flummoxed look on her face, like she inserted a tampon in the wrong way. Now, full disclosure here, First Lady voted for one Willard Mitt Romney, which, hey, even I admit he is a very handsome looking replicant. However, First Lady does take her civic duties seriously, and although she isn't thrilled with the Republican field, she found Romney's conservative credentials appealing. I think perhaps secretly she voted for him because she's curious to see if he really will be sworn in as Willard Mitt Romney and have his forty-seven children surrounding him in their magical underwear. That's a lot of magic!

Ex Page and I are fans of HRC, and really, who isn't? Dirty hippies, that's who! Well, I'll take your "Yes we can" and raise you a Jack Nicholson endorsement! Seriously, all the Kennedy power in the world can't trump that backing! And don't they realize that Hillary won all the states that are fun to have a party/ and or do drugs in? People need to stop caucusing in Idaho and start thinking about free crystal meth parties in Arkansas. However, even I will admit that she was more than likely gorging herself on Tollhouse cookies when Obama was declared winner of Connecticut until Terry McAuliffe was able to coax her away with a Mugg root beer.

Super Tuesday

First Lady and I have bridged the gap between red and blue. This time can be different. We are purple.

Some comments about the evening:

McCain's wife had a prom hairdo and looked a lot older than she is. Good for her considering her husband is 109.

Barrack is playing his magic flute and almost drew me in until I realized that his wife is a bitch and his audience started chanting the super smart "Yes we can!"...

First Lady comments:
i have been remarkably open-minded. Ex-page and i are wondering if we're in church as we're watching orator obama raise his hands and preach at us.

the democrats are trying to play nice:
obama on clinton:
" i respect her as a colleague:
translation:
"But I hate her as a person."
obama on war:
"i didn't vote for the war in iraq"
translation:
"i don't stand for anything."
obama on republicans:
"they are running on the politics of yesterday."
translation:
"that's more than i've got -- i voted 'present,' so i don't even have a yesterday to speak of."

what's up with california?
we can hardly stand it!