Wide Set Vaginas, If You Will

The new company health insurance only covers amputations, so I have been taking expired antibiotics I found under the sink.

Needless to say, I still have an ear and throat infection, therefore, this week has been filled with gratuitous tv watching, while my muscles atrophy.
Things that I have learned:

--Jake's abs will pick Big Bird as his true love.

--Michelle Duggar's vagina needs to go into Witness Protection from Jim Bob.

--I thought I was watching the Flying Tomato on Oprah, but really it was Temple Grandin yelling at a cow.

--The next time Alexis from Orange County prays, Jesus will tell her he's busy washing his hair.

-- All that's missing from Shondaland's desperate 1982 GRID plotline is the ghost of Andy Warhol.

--When a five year old puts on a slutty sailor uniform, it's called "Wow Wear".

At this rate, "The Little Couple" will debut on my DVR in no time.

Expage texts me : Watching Hurt Locker, SO stressful.

I fail to inform him that I just finished watching a BBC documentary titled: "18 Pregnant Schoolgirls".

Instead I text: Change to ice dancing!

ExPage: It's also kinda homoerotic.

Me: The Joy Behar Show is discussing huge vaginas

ExPage: Wide Set Vaginas, If You will

Speaking of wide set vaginas, I make another attempt at watching Temple Grandin, but it's much more entertaining to watch Kell on Hell try to parent for twenty minutes.

Two questions come to mind, though... Why didn't HBO just cast the Flying Tomato and make Temple an autistic snowboarder?

When will Chris Burke get his own movie biopic on Hallmark?